btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
