No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
