you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
