What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
