Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
