I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
