Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
