i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
