a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A+ Viking dick
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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