Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
