I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize