I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
