i think my tv is drunk
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
