Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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