My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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