yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
