there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
