Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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