Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
