Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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