Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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