Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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