high people should be assigned attendants
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
