Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
