Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
