We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
