Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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