I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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