Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
