An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
there is glitter all over my balls
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
