I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
