My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
