As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
