Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i now understand why vodka
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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