been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
