Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I touched a dick in church today
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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