Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
