I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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