Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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