in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
