I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
