i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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