obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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