YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you traded sex for a burrito?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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