my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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