Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
