ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
