When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
