I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
