I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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