I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
