if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
