1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
