A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
