No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
