Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just cropdusted the office
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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