I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
