mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's blow job season.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
