So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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