Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
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Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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