im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
