every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
im on a boat
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