The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she smelled like a LAN party
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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