Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
