we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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