Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
