I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
