DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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