U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
